Sweet Dreams

Last night, I had a dream. This was no ordinary dream, like when I take over from Jack Bauer and torture some terrorists while he gets some rest, or when I dream of a world where every woman in the world looks like Zooey Deschanel, and every guy (bar me) looks like Gordon Brown. In this dream, I was dunking a variety of biscuits into a big jar of Nutella and eating them.

Normally, I wouldn't really care about this dream. In fact I probably wouldn't have even remembered it. However, the reason this dream has affected me to the extent that I felt the need to "blog" about it (still unsure if "blog" can be used as a verb), is the fact that I'm trying to lose weight. A lot of weight. For once, I think my dreams are actually being affected by reality (and luckily it's not the Jack Bauer dreams).

I've tried losing weight a few times in the past. At one point, I'd lost 1st 10lbs. However, I keep ending up back where I started. Why? Me. I can use various excuses such as work, family, love of things that are bad for me. Over the few years, I've become pretty good at coming up with excuses. Sometimes even convincing myself. However, after almost two years, I realise that all the excuses I come up with can affect everyone else. They aren't exclusive to me.

So, after joining a new gym, starting to eat healthily and just generally trying to keep an upbeat attitude, I start getting dreams of covering half a packet of Bourbon Creams in a chocolate hazelnut spread and shovelling them down my gob.

I love watching The Biggest Loser USA. Don't get me wrong, the rate at which they lose weight and how they go about it is probably as unhealthy as being so overweight in the first place. But seeing them individually come to realise how they got themselves into that state in the first place is just magic telly. For years, even though I've always been a bit overweight, I've wondered "How do people let themselves get to that stage, where they probably couldn't fit in the circle of The Vitruvian Man? Surely they would have realised how unhealthy they were about 20 stone ago."

It's hard to break the habits of a lifetime. The artificial highs from a quick fix of sugar. Grabbing a few Twirl or Aero bars even though eating more than one feels sickening. Replacing butter with Nutella on your toast (NOTE: Do not replace butter with Nutella in your scrambled eggs). And making the commitment to go to the gym or go walking 3/4 times a week is something a lot of people can't stick with.

But let's face it; tonight I'll be back dreaming about small yellow horses trying to stab my father, or meeting Jedward (and SMASHing their fucking teeth in). But the quest to be thin will continue.