Things I don't understand

Bar the obvious Quantum Mechanics, Women and how Renee Zelleweger ever made it out of that cave she was thrown into at birth, here be my list:

1. Miniature Gaming:

Y'know, the one where you paint little figures and weapons and trees, then put them on some green carpet. I'm sure back in the day (that day being in the 1940's), these were great. But get with the times. How is this still interesting to people when there is so much ever-changing technology in the world? If it's the creation and painting you like, put it to better use. Anything that takes that long to create and set up for such little reward just isn't worth it. I get pissed off waiting for my Playstation to load. But at least technology can evolve. Your little painted General will never be promoted.

2. Red Hot Chili Pepper's Lyrics:

"This chapter's going to be a close one
Smoke rings I know you're going to blow one
All on a spaceship persevering
Use my hands for everything but steering
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
Mop tops are happy when they feed you
J. Butterfly is in the treetop
Birds that blow the meaning into bebop"

Have Red Hot Chili Peppers really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

3. Internet Sign-offs:

People on forums who add their own sign-off to the end of their posts, like "Be at Peace, I" (Yes, that is one which I have seen). You're on the Internet. You know, that thing which about a billion other people use. Nobody will ever remember who you are. Nobody cares who you are. I remember the sign-off, but not anything which came before it. I don't even know what "I" stands for. Unless you're on a relatively small site where everyone knows each other, you are anonymous. And on the Internet, anyone normal person who tries to stand out, leaves themselves open to the ridicule of the anonymous. And the anonymous are incredibly evil and intelligent.

4. Stamp Collecting:

"Oh, this one is worth a lot more because this was issued before perforations and the person who cut this one left a lot of the white sheet along the edges". Here's an idea, collect something thats interesting. Something which won't make people want to take all the stamps, put you in a large box and use the stamps to post you to West Bumblefuck, Mongolia. Stamps are not interesting. Not in the slightest.

5. Parents:

Firstly, when your toddler mumbles and grunts something incoherently, then points over to some inanimate object, don't give me the evil look when I ask them what they're saying. You can understand them because you spend every day with them. Me? I haven't a fucking clue what he's talking about. I thought he said something about his shoes, but then he pointed to the cooker, so I don't know what to think. Secondly, if you have twins and you dress them the same, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET THEIR NAMES WRONG! So don't get all pissy with us because you can't be arsed reaching over to pick a different outfit. And finally, if you tell your child to behave or "that man" (while pointing at me) will take away their toys. Don't start screaming "Hey! He took my son's toy!" when I grab his Transformer. (The child wasn't being naughty. I just needed his Optimus Prime to go kick the shit out of some miniatures. I'm more than meets the eye, bitch!)